Love is a Lie
by LadyBarlow
Summary: Set after the episode I am Mine.All is well in the Jordan household, but what will happen when zoe's secret is revealed? Obviously a Zoe and Nick story as all other pairings bore me at the minute.
1. Chapter 1

**_Ok so I kind of bummed out on the other story and opted to start a new one as I think we might be drawing to an end with this pairing :( They are the best and it sucks if they split them up! So here's another Nick and Zoe slush fest for you all, 1..2..3.. awwwwww_**

**CHAPTER 1**

He pottered around the bedroom in his dress shirt and boxers. He had applied his aftershave and was now struggling to put on his Rolex watch. More haste less speed he thought. He then glanced over to the beautiful woman sleeping in his bed. She was turned on her side and her jet black hair fell sexily into her closed eyes. Her naked left arm was out of the duvet, and her hand rested gently on the pillow by the side of her face. He smiled as the light from the half open blinds glistened against the diamond in the ring on her finger. It cast a glimmer against the headboard which shone against her face. He had always known they had a connection, deep down, and they were very similar personalities. They both had a hard as steal exterior and he had never come across a woman who thought she could match up to him, or even be better than him. This was the trait he most admired in this woman, she respected him but had just as much respect for herself. Of course she was beautiful and intelligent which were added bonuses for him, but he loved how she could be just as egotistical as him.

He went into the kitchen and returned with a glass of fresh spring water and ice. He came around the bed and bent down next to her. He watched for a few seconds as her chest would rise and fall as she slept contently. He then started to move the hair from her face gently which caused her to stir.

"Morning sleepy head" He said to her.

"mmm what time is it?" She replied wearily

"Its 7 o clock. Time to get up or we'll be late" He rested his hand against her cheek and stroked her gently with his thumb.

"Oh god Nick you shouldve woken me sooner, Im going to be late now. Once you've called your driver and..." She had attempted to jump out of the douvet but he interrupted her

"SSHHH Zoe relax. We said no more lying, no more hiding didnt we? Well that starts from today." He softly put his fingers against her ring finger and gently rubbed up and down, just as he did when he came up with this grand plan of marriage. "You are driving the boss into work anyway so whats the problem. Now drink up and get dressed" With that he kissed her head and left her to it.

She showered and then dressed in the tightest skirt that she knew drove him wild and his favourite top that just showed enough cleavage, but without being unprofessional. She finished her water and went into the kitchen to the breakfast bar to find him reading one of his broadsheet newspapers that bored her senseless.

"You ready then *BOSS*" She said sarcastically as she put her arm around his broad shoulders.

"Ready when you are doctor." He replied and dangled the car keys at her.

"Oh so my car is good enough for you to arrive to work in today is it?" She mocked

"Yes as long as you dont play that bloody music, that can only be described as noise, that proceeds to blast out of your phone whenever it rings."

"And heres me thinking you were young for your old age." She replied as she quickly ran out of the door as he tried to scutch her. She had never really felt this happy with anyone before and she never really thought she would. He made her laugh, she loved just being with him and would do anything to spend as much time with him as possible. She wanted to make him happy, in the remaining time he had left with her. She would go to any lengths to ensure his happiness, so much so that she kept a dark secret from him, one than could potentially ruin them forever! She knew that her time was running out and she wouldnt be able to keep up with the lie for much longer. But she loved seeing him this happy, content and loving towards her and wanted to keep this feeling as long as was humanly possible.

They both got into the car for the short journey to work and Nick creaked his back as he got into the passanger seat.

"Only you could get the smallest car in the world." he said to her, she had a mini.

"Well if you dont like it, i can always drive you to the bus stop. And anyway when i bought her, she was meant for just me. I never had any intention of sharing anything with you Mr Jordan, let alone my car." He smiled at her as she put on her Dior sunglasses, turned the stereo up slightly and drove off.

On arrival at the hospital car park, Zoe looked slightly on edge. She had never really been into work with nick before, well not in full view of the whole hospital. They had kept everything between the two of them and strictly confidential. Nick had only confided in Adam Trueman, as they shared a great mutual respect for each other now, after a very turbulent beginning. Adam had supported him through his illness, and nick had returned the favour when adam lost his son and his wife left. She got out of the car, leaned against it and started twiddling with her ring before taking it off.

"erm what are you doing?" He asked her.

"Whats it look like im doing. You dont want the whole ED knowing about us do you?" She asked with a puzzled expression.

"I thought there was no more hiding Zoe. I thought this is what we agreed and what you wanted" He replied. He opened her fingers and removed the ring from her hand. He blew on it and polished it before taking hold of her left hand once more. He placed the ring back on her finger and stood with his legs either side of her directly infront of her. He took hold of both her hands and said, "There thats better ok?" He winked at her and she smiled and nodded. "Yep Im fine" He bent forward and kissed her tenderly, but passionately. The kiss was intended to be one of reassurance but quickly became one of fire, love and passion and lasted far longer than he had originally anticipated.

"Oh god, put her down will you" came a voice from alongside them. They both broke the kiss immediately and were shocked to realise that they had been caught. Luckily it was only Adam, and Zoe blushed.

"Morning Dr Trueman" Nick called after him and saw Adam raise his arm in the air to wave.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Sorry dont know what happened in the first chapter stupid computer cut the last bit off grrrrrrrrr... it obviously wasnt suppossed to just end like that. So Ill continue it anyway keeps me entertained. **_

CHAPTER 2

They watched Adam enter the ED and Zoe blushed at being caught out in such an intimate position.

"Right lets do this" He said and took hold of her hand.

"Are you sure Nick because once we do this that's it there's no going back."

"Im positive. Now lets go." He led her towards the ED entrance still holding her hand to reassure her, and then as they entered he let go. Obviously, there still needed to be a sense of professionalism about the whole situation this was Nick Jordan after all. They both walked over to the front desk to be greeted by questioning looks from Noel, Tess and Charlie. Lenny was in the background drinking coffee and playing with an elastic band.

"Morning" Nick uttered as he began looking through the first pile of paperwork.

"Morning Mr Jordan, Dr Hanna" They said in unison, as if they were children in an assembly. Zoe blushed once more and wasn't quite sure what to say or do. Nick proceeded to walk away towards his office.

"Oh Dr Hanna, these are some patient notes and files for you" Tess called. Zoe walked back towards her and grabbed the paperwork with her left hand, not really paying attention to what she was doing. Tess took her hand

"Oh my god Zoe whats this? That's gorgeous but I thought you and Matt..."

"Has he re-proposed? Well thats a turn up for the books Congratulations." Before Zoe could say anything, Nick appeared behind her and put his arm around your shoulder.

"Right everyone lets get this over with. This ring was given to Dr Hanna by myself, not Dr Strong, and yes i have asked her to do me the honour of becoming Mrs Jordan which she has duly accepted." Nick was interrupted by Lenny spitting his coffee out all over the work top in shock then proceeding to choke on it.

"And once Dr Lyons has finished choking over there Im sure you will all offer us your warmest congratulations which we accept and thank you for. But there are patients to treat people, the ED wont run itself back to work now please." He informed everyone in his best Nick Jordan way. He then turned around and began to walk off, before checking in at the admitance board.

"Whatever possessed me to say yes I wonder." Zoe said as she rolled her eyes at Nicks previous statement, so business like. Maybe thats what this was all about, a business arrangement, so Zoe could provide him with a prodigal son to take over from him and watch over that "shiny plaque" he always went on about. She didn't like these types of thoughts and quickly got them out of her head. She picked up the rest of her admin and proceeded to walk away to her office. As she walked around the corner, Nick was coming back the other way. He winked at her and whispered, "Morning Mrs Jordan" as he passed by casually,which made her melt inside. She already loved being referred to as that and it had only happened on a few occasions, each time making her legs turn to jelly and her stomach churn. She felt a sense of pride at having his name and couldn't wait till it was official, that's if everything didn't fall crashing down before her...

_**Its short i know, but it was suppossed to be the end of the previous chapter so sorry about that. You know what to do if you want me to carry on... **_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Here comes chapter 3... R and R people.**_

**__****Chapter 3**

The day had pretty much flown by and Zoe had ended her shift treating a particularly difficult patient, which had put her in a bad mood. He would not cooperate with anything she asked him to do and had a disgusting attitude towards her. She had eventually managed to get the patient treated, after his final tirade of racist comments to her. In her head she wanted to leave him, leave him to suffer. But deep down she knew that it wasn't really her that he was angry with, more like the news that he had been diagnosed with cancer. She had just finished her handover to the evening staff and was hanging around the nurses station waiting for Nick to finish all his paperwork, as he was usually 10 minutes or so behind her.

"Hey Zo I hear congrats are needed. Gramps told me." Jay came over and hugged her, which made her blush again, "So when did this happen?How?"

"I cant be bothered to go into it right now Jay Im done in. Just know it was highly unromantic and very Nick Jordan like." Zoe answered

"No giant box in the middle of the ED this time then?" He smirked and Zoe dropped her head to the desk.

"No, just told me off the cuff in here that I would be Mrs Jordan and then gave me a ring whilst we ate in a restaurant no biggie" She replied with no enthusiasm

"You mean he didn't ask you then?" He asked

"Nope." She replied and Jay shook his head. Just then, the doors from the lift upstairs opened and a very pretty nurse stepped out.

"Excuse me, is Mr Jordan around please?" She asked Zoe. Zoe popped her head up from where it was laying on the desk and looked puzzled.

"Yes hes just about to finish though. Is it something urgent?"

"Well Id prefer to speak to him if that's ok. Can you take me to him?" The nurse asked. Zoe nodded and beckoned the nurse to follow her. They walked down the corridor to his office.

"So whats your name? Can I tell him what business you are here about?" Zoe asked again.

"Oh Im nurse Wilson from cardiology. Im sorry but id prefer to talk to him please. To be honest Ive been waiting for an opportunity to come and see him in the flesh. We worked on a shift together briefly when he was a surgeon up on our wards. He is rather nice to look at isnt he?" She uttered and a stab of jealousy shot through Zoe's stomach. Obviously the news hadn't made it upstairs yet then, she thought.

"mmm rather" She knocked on the door and entered "Ni..Mr Jordan this is Nurse Wilson from cardiology. She has insisted on speaking to you if you can spare the time..." Nick cut her off,

"Im sure I can squeeze you in." He joked flirty, "have a seat nurse Wilson."

"Oh its Michelle" she replied and giggled like a school girl.

"Ill wait out front then..." Zoe said and exited his office. The nurse was incredibly pretty and right now Zoe was not in the mood for anyone flirting with her man. She knew what he was like with women, and this was not a good feeling. She went to grab her leather jacket and bag and waited by the nurses station, rather than outside. She wanted to make sure the nurse actually left and went back to where she came from. Sure enough, about 10 minutes later, the nurse arrived back. She went over and pressed the lift button and then came over to the desk where Zoe was sitting surfing the net.

"Thanks for that, he's really friendly isn't he." The nurse said

"Oh very friendly" Zoe said out of gritted teeth and sarcasm.

"In fact could you do me a big favour? Could you pass me a piece of paper please?" Zoe handed over a piece of paper to the nurse and looked very puzzled.

"Could you give him my number please? I know he's not married or anything so worth a shot ey? Oh nice ring by the way..." She said as Zoe took the number from the nurse. Jay was watching from behind Zoe in amazement.

"You like it do you? aww shame that because you know who it belongs to?" Zoe said angrily, the nurse looked shocked and puzzled. "Yes that will be Nick Jordan! and in future Id think about what you say before you start openly flirting like that nurse... erm Wilson wasn't it" The nurse went bright red as Zoe threw her number back at her. "Sorry" she uttered before quickly getting into the lift. Hmmmm we shall see about that one, she thought.

"Oh my god she..."

"Dont even go there Jay!" Zoe exclaimed in a really sharp tone. She picked up her handbag as she saw nick approaching, "see ya later" she said to Jay.

"Are you ready Zo?" Nick said

"Ive been ready for half an hour while you been having a nice friendly chat with *MICHELLE*" She said sarcastically and with a tone that indicated she was rather annoyed. She stomped off in front of Nick and out of the ED.

"Whats all the about?" He asked Jay.

"Who knows" Jay shrugged "WOMEN" they both uttered together and laughed. Nick left the building and saw Zoe leaning up against the car with her arms folded. He approached her and tried to put his arms around her waist.

"Not now Nick im tired and I just wanna go home and relax." With that she turned away and got into the car. He shrugged his shoulders and got into the passenger side.

"I know what it is" He smiled and reached over to her. He put his hand on her stomach tenderly and said "Hormones" She was none too impressed by this maneuver and knocked his arm away.

"Seriously Nick. Im not in the mood lets just go ok?" His face looked hurt as he pulled his arm away from her stomach. Yes she was annoyed with the nurse and the patient that put her in the mood in the first place. However, what annoyed and frustrated her even more was having to keep up the lie about her pregnancy. She desperately wanted to tell him the truth, she'd even tried before and then he proposed to her and got the wrong idea totally. Only Zoe could try and tell someone she couldn't have children and finish with them and then end up engaged a few hours later. She was tired of pretending, but she knew the consequences of her actions if she didn't, it was a difficult one but she decided she would tell him tonight before this got any deeper...

_**Will She tell Him? What will he say? Youll only find out if you hit the review button **_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Well here comes the next chapter, I think Im going to go places with this story... if I dont get bored. Thanks for thr reviews folks**_

**Chapter 4**

The journey home was made in relative silence, apart from the odd utterance here and there from the two of them. Zoe had parked up the car and Nick had gone to open up the front door, turn the alarm off etc. Zoe entered the apartment, kicked off her heels and flopped down onto the leather settee with a sigh.

"Do you want a coffee?" Nick called from the kitchen

"ooohhh Id love one" She replied.

"Obviously you are only having decaf Doctor Hanna." Nick replied again, with a humorous tone.

"Obviously!" Zoe said sarcastically and with a hint of frustration.

"Now! Now! don't be like that. Its for the good of our child. I thought you wanted him to be a brain surgeon?" He said

Zoe went off into a daydream at the thought of her phantom pregnancy being mentioned yet again. It clearly meant the world to Nick, and she had no idea how she was going to tell him tonight that she wasn't pregnant. It wasn't that she didn't want to be pregnant, she would give anything. She would be so happy to be Mrs Jordan and have the family life, but was that really her anyway?

"Earth to Zoe?" Nick said and waved his hand infront of her face. "Are you ok?" He asked.

"Erm... yeah... thanks." she uttered as he handed her the coffee, "Listen Im going to get changed and pop around to mine to pick up my post. I really cant be bothered cooking tonight, so shall I fetch us something whilst im out?" She said

"If that's what you want to do Im easy, whatever will put that beautiful smile back onto your face." He said and kissed her head. She couldn't help but smile at his comment and actions. She hated being stand offish with him, but she couldn't get close to him again right now, not until she had told him the truth. She disappeared into the bedroom to get changed and could hear him humming along to one of his favourite pieces of music, obviously opera. She decided she would sit him down and tell him after dinner. She would give him a couple of glasses of red wine whilst he was eating to numb the pain. Or would he get aggressive with alcohol? She thought. Maybe that's a bad idea. She was going to tell him that she had thought she was pregnant, and then realised she wasn't. That would be a better idea than telling him she was never pregnant in the first place. All these thoughts had made her sweat with nerves, so she opened the french doors and stepped out onto the balcony. She had put on her jeans, Cami top and cardigan which made her look so much more relaxed, although she didnt feel it. She stood by the balcony railings and rested her elbows on the top.

"Hey, seriously are you ok?" Zoe hadnt noticed Nick come up behind her and he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Yeah Im fine, sorry, just a little tired I needed some air." She replied taking hold of his hands that were around her middle. He moved her hair around her ear and whispered "don't over do it Mrs Jordan. Relax. Its our time now."

Zoe turned around and put her hand to his forehead "Are you feeling alright or has somebody replaced my Nick Jordan with someone else?" She was trying to lighten the mood. He cupped her cheeks in his hands and began stroking them with his thumbs.

"Im serious. There are other priorities for us right now." They both looked into each others eyes and Zoe could see the love he had for her. This made her eyes fill up and she quickly moved away.

"Right Im going to get that post and fetch us some dinner." She uttered as she went back into the house and began putting her shoes on.

"I tell you what you fetch your post, and let me sort everything else out ok?" He said

"Are you sure? You have been at work too its no bother im out anyway." She asked. He didn't reply. Instead he was just staring down at her jeans.

"Nick? Whats wrong? What?" Zoe looked confused.

"Sorry nothing. Its just your arse looks incredible in jeans Mrs Jordan." He smiled. She tutted at him and grabbed her bag.

"Ill see you shortly then." She said

"kiss" he said and then walked over and kissed her passionately, whilst getting a decent grope of her behind. He broke the kiss, laughed his best dirty laugh and walked back into the kitchen.

Whilst Zoe was out Nick had decided he was going to make a fuss of her. He ordered the most expensive Chinese in town and even agreed to pay someone to deliver it to them. He laid the table with candles and his proper dinner set. He then left a trail of rose petals from the dining room to the bathroom and drew her a hot bubble bath. He placed scented candles all around the bathroom and put her silk nightwear on the towel drier to warm. He got changed into a relaxing pair of jeans and a smart Ralph Lauren polo shirt and relaxed on the sofa waiting for Zoe's return. He was really pleased with himself. He had everything worked out to the letter as he knew Zoe would be no longer than an hour, so he had timed the water ready so it wouldn't be cold. He had then worked out Zoe took at least half an hour to have a bath, so he timed the food to be delivered just after she would be finished as well. It was going to be perfect, only the best for his girl.

Sure enough, about 45 minutes after she had left, Nick heard keys jangling in the lock and she had returned, with a nice bottle of red wine. She threw her keys on the side and kicked her shoes off. She sat down beside him and sighed. He put his arm around her.

"Anything interesting in your mail then?" He asked

"No not really. What you watching?" she asked as she yawned.

"Oh nothing of interest to you. Whats that?" He asked

"Oh I just thought Id pick you up a nice red for you seen as Ive been such a narky cow." She smiled.

"Im supposed to be treating you." He replied, "But thanks"

"Treating me? Seriously Nick what have they done with you?" She made a joke again. He stood up and held out his hand. "Come on" He took her hand and led her into the bathroom. He opened the door and a flood of orange light and beautiful aromas hit them. She went into the bathroom open mouthed.

"Nick... I..." Her eyes began to fill up she would never EVER have thought that he would do something like this for her. The tears began to slowly trickle down her face. She was so overwhelmed by emotion that he could do something like this for her.

"Hey, none of that." He wiped the tears, "This is all for you. You relax and unwind after today and leave everything else to me." He winked. "You know dont you?" He finished. She nodded and he closed the bathroom door behind him. 'You Know don't you' was Nicks way of saying "you know I love you" without actually saying it. Zoe just stood in disbelief looking around at what he had done for her. He was not the romantic type whatsoever and this was utterly unbelievable and very out of character. Well that had just ruined her plans for the evening. There was absolutely no WAY on this earth she would be telling Nick about the baby tonight. Not after he had done so much for her. How could she tell him? It was one thing breaking his heart but another thing breaking his heart, stamping on it and throwing back the shattered pieces into his face...

_**OOOOHHH I thought I would keep you all in suspense a little longer. I promise she will tell him eventually. A story is not a story without a bit of suspense. If you want to find out what nick's reaction will be, you know what to do R and R :)**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**well Ive just managed to get over Saturdays episode with Megan and Charlie, cried buckets, and it gave me some inspiration to write the next chapter so here goes...**_

**_Chapter 5_**

Zoe was standing at the nurses station, pretending to look over some paperwork. Nick had just walked by and gave her a wink which made her think back to the previous night. She still couldnt believe what he had done for her. The bath, the meal, eveything. It was so out of character for him as he didnt have a romantic bone in his body, or so she thought. Neither did she really, they still hadnt said I love you properly yet, but they didnt need too. Their non verbal communication always said it all. They could read each other from a facial expression or a simple look, they didnt need words. Zoe was still anxious about lieing to Nick though. She still hadnt told him about the baby and she knew that she really had to. After they had cleared away the meal last night, Zoe had laid out on the sofa, resting her head on nicks knee. He had tenderly played with her hair and stroked her cheek, whilst they watched some boring documentary on television. Every so often, his hand would wonder down her body, inside her top and rest on her stomach. He would softly tickle her belly and grin with content. That would have been the ideal opportunity for Zoe to be up front with him, but she was content too and she just couldnt do it to him, not that night. She knew in her heart of hearts that night meant more to her than any other time in her life and she didnt want to spoil it. She also realised that it was probably the last night she would ever have like that with Nick jordan. She started to twiddle with the ring on her finger when nick brought her out of her trance

"Incoming Doctor Hanna" she jumped, "Are you ok Zo?" Nick asked

"Yeah fine. Fine. You just startled me thats all." She replied. Just then the ED doors crashed open and dixie and jeff entered with their patient.

"This is Joanne. Shes 48 years old and has been knocked down by a car. She's tachycardic and her BP is all over the place. She has injuries to her head and a possible fracture to her leg. She is in and out of consiousness, possible internal injuries. We need to get an x ray and CT asap."

"Is she going to be alright? Its my fault see i wasnt looking where i was walking and i had Jack in my arms... and she pushed us out of the way and took the hit see she would have been trying to protect Jack... IM SORRY!" the woman was in a state of shock and was crying uncontrollably. She had a small baby in her arms.

"Can someone get her out of here please." nick said

"No, No im staying!" She shouted back. Just then the alarms started on the monitors.

"Right shes arresting everyone we need to shock her. CLEAR" the alarms were still sounding, "and again come on we are losing her CLEAR"

"Oh GOD! Oh GOD! I cant take this. Here take him!" the woman screamed and handed the baby over to Zoe. She then fled from the resus room just as the monitors stopped bleeping and the patient was stabalised.

"But... I.." Zoe held the baby rather awkardly. She didnt know what to do. Many thoughts were wondering around her head as she tried to stop the baby from crying.

"Well done everyone. Once she is fully stable can we send her up for those scans please, we need to find out whats going on internally." Nick said as he turned and noticed zoe with the baby. He smiled and his eyes filled up. Zoe hadnt noticed he was staring and her and continued trying to hush the baby up. She had a really worried look on her face and didnt want to be holding the baby right there and then. She went to stroke the baby's head as he was beginning to settle down.

"Shh there thats it little one" She whispered. As she went to move her hand away, the baby grabbed hold of her little finger with his hand and gave a cute little giggle. Zoe felt like someone had stabbed her in the heart and then ripped it out. Tears began to form in her eyes, and nick approached just at the wrong moment.

"See you are a natural Mrs Jordan." She looked up at him as the tears began to spill from her eyes "Zoe?" she looked really upset and he knew that there was obviously something seriously wrong.

"Im sorry Nick. Im sorry" She whispered.

"What is it? Is there something wrong or not?" he asked with concern.

"Im sorry nick i cant do this. I *CANT* do this!" She handed to baby to Nick and ran out of the resus room with Nick calling after her. She ran outside and found a bench away from the ED. She thought about how hurt nick was going to be, how hurt she was just holding that baby knowing she may never have one of her own. How did she get into this mess? She knew how awful the pain felt and now she had to inflict this pain onto the one thing in her life that she loved. She couldnt do it to him. Not now, not ever. She made a decision to take more of the fertility medication and give it one more week. If she still wasnt pregnant, then she would hve to break it off with him. She wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks and the mascara off her face and returned to the ED staffroom to get a drink and take her medication.

Meanwhile Nick had been frantically looking for her. He had asked everyone and been everywhere until he walked by the staffroom for a tenth time and saw her standing by the sink, her back to him. He knew if he burst in there she would probably do a runner so he adopted a navy seal approach, and crept up on her. He quietly opened the door, the tap was running which helped disguise the noise. Zoe was popping her tablets out of the packet and Nick stopped. What is she doing? He thought to himself and watched her patiently. She cocked her head back and swallowed the tablets down. She finished her water and slammed the mug down on the side and turned to find nick standing there.

"Oh god you scared me!" She jumped.

"Zoe, what were you taking?" He asked with concern.

"Oh nothing, just some painkillers for my headache. Sorry about before. Hormones." She said panicked. nick obviusly knew she was hiding something from him.

"Ill ask you again what are you taking?" he said sternly.

"What I told you painkillers. Now come on we need to see if..."

"*DONT* lie to me. I know you and I know when your lieing now tell me the truth" He moved towards her quickly to grab the box on the side, she got there first and picked them up. She went to make a move for the door but he blocked her and grabbed her arm.

"Give me the box." He said. He was really angry, but didnt raise his voice once. She kept her hand held tight around the box and shook her head. Tears were forming in her eyes once more. "ZOE, give me the box!" she still gripped her hand tightly around it. Nick started releasing her grip finger, by finger and the tears were streming down her face. She was still shaking her head as he took the box from her.

"Fertility treatment? Why are you taking fertility treatment?" She didnt answer him just stood looking at him with tears rolling down her cheeks. She watched him as his puzzled look was replaced by one of sheer horror. He went white as a sheet and his stared at her angrily.

"You wouldnt need to take fertility drugs if you were pregnant zoe would you?" He asked her she shook her head and sobbed.

"You would only need to take this if you couldnt get pregnant and had lied to your boyfriend saying you already were. There is no need to take fertility drugs if threre's alrady a baby. You only need to take them if there's no baby.." He broke off and walked up to her face and whispered "There's no baby" With that she just broke down "Im sorry. Im sorry" She whispered back. He threw the empty box at her and stormed out of the staffroom. She had never seen him so angry, yet he didnt yell. She had hurt him so much, anger she could deal with, but not hurt. She chased after him.

"Nick! Nick!" she yelled he didnt stop. "Please let me explain." He went to his office opened the door and grabbed his coat and bag. He still didnt look at her.

"Please Nick. Im sorry. I need to explain" She was crying uncontrollably. He left his office and pushed open the door, which nearly knocked zoe to the ground as it bounced back on her. She stopped and shook her head for a second before getting herself together to continue following him.

"Nick please say something." He stormed through the next set of doors and towards the nurses station where adam was standing with kirsty.

"Doctor Trueman I have an urgent persoanl matter to attend to I must leave immediately." He uttered.

"Whats happened is everything ok? Adam came around the nurses station and saw zoe following behind Nick. He noticed she was in a mess and crying uncontrollably.

"NICK! PLEASE WAIT! IM SORRY. NICK! FOR GODS SAKE I LOVE YOU!" He stopped, but still didnt look at her. "I LOVE YOU! I NEED YOU! DONT DO THIS TO ME!" she yelled. The entire ED reception and all the doctors and nurses had gathered around from the cubicle to watch the spectacle before them. He slowly turned around and his eyes had filled up. "Do this to you? Do this to you?" He whispered as he tried to choke back the tears. "I think you will find, Dr hanna its you doing this not me." and with that his voice broke and he left the ED. Zoe collapsed and sobbed in Adams arms. He held her and stroked her hair.

"shhh Zo, its ok everything will be ok" He knew deep down that something awful must have happened. Zoe had reduced the super cool, hardfaced, egotistical Mr Jordan to tears. It must be bad. Really bad...

_**Poor Nick and Zoe :( I hope you all liked it keep reviewing if you want me to continue and maybe they will get a happy ending? If theres any typos etc apologies my spellcheck is not working again and im uploading in a hurry. **_


	6. Chapter 6

**_Here comes the next Chapter guys. Keep those reviews coming they make me :D and hurry up with my updates lol. _**

**_CHAPTER 6_**

Zoe had taken a few days away from the ED after the dramatic events that had unfolded. She had explained everything to Adam, and he had been a fantastic support to both her and Nick. Zoe had constantly tried to call Nick, but he refused to answer any of her calls or call her back. She had even been around to his apartment a couple of times, but again nothing, he didn't want to know. Of course Nick being Nick continued to go to work "The ED wont run itself just because I have issues in my personal life doesn't mean I have to bring it into my professional life." Zoe on the other hand was not that strong. She had opted to sit at home and wallow in self pity and red wine. She hadn't gone out of the house and was barely eating. Instead she just stared at the TV or at the picture she had of her and Nick that was taken just outside the ED. She loved the picture as they both looked so happy and it still took pride of place on her coffee table. Adam was worried about her, and kept popping round after his shifts to try and make her eat or just to see how she was. He had also been over to Nick's to collect some of her things and tried to talk to Nick about the whole situation. Nick wasn't mush of a talker and Adam tried to explain the state Zoe was in and why she had done what she had done. All he got in reply was "I appreciate what you are trying to do Adam, but its over." Followed by "Keep your eye on her though" and then the subject was never discussed again. He obviously still cared about her but the emotion and pain was still too rore.

Zoe had manged to get herself together after a few days and decided she had to go back to work sometime to face what she had done. If she couldn't handle it, then she was going to ask for a transfer. This wasn't just some meaningless fling like before, this was the love of her life and she knew that if she couldn't have him in her personal life, then she couldn't have him in her professional life either. Adam had agreed to make sure her first shift back was when he was in also as he knew at some point in the day he would be acting as referee. The first couple of hours went by relatively easily. Apart from the handover and kick off in the morning, Zoe had not come into contact with Nick all morning. It was heartbreaking for her to see him for the first time and Adam had stood behind her and supportively touched her shoulder through the entire thing. Nick was so professional, acting like nothing had happened. He spoke to her like he would every morning, though there was a difference in the way he looked at her now. She could see the hurt and pure disgust he had for her in his eyes, whereas normally his eyes would glaze over and he would grin as he addressed her. Of Course, there were the reactions from the other staff members to content with. Nurses whispering and staring "That's the one I was telling you about" or "Poor Mr Jordan after all he's been through" seemed to be the most popular bitchy comments directed at her. Normally Zoe would stand up to them with her fiery character, but right now she couldn't be bothered.

On her break, Zoe sat in the staffroom drinking coffee and Staring into her space. She hadnt touched her lunch and all she could think about was Nick. Adam entered the staffroom to see how she was doing.

"Hey Zo, hows things?" Adam asked as he sat beside her.

"Imagine the shittest thing possible, and its shitter!" She sighed.

"Well wallowing around isn't going to help is it. You need to keep your head held high and show him the Zoe Hanna we all know and love."

"Yeah, whos she? I dont even know who I am anymore." she uttered

"Come on zo. You wouldn't normally take this lying down you would be fighting back, showing him who's boss." Just then Nick walked by the staffroom and caught Zoe's eye. He kept eye contact for a few seconds before shaking his head and walking off. This suddenly kick started Zoe into action.

"You know what. You are right. Im going to speak to him. Im going right now. He HAS to speak to me and I refuse to leave until he has." She jumped up.

"Zoe, this might not be the time or place..." Adam faded off towards the end of the sentence as Zoe had already left the staffroom. He grinned to himself "That's our girl" he uttered under his breath.

Zoe dashed down the corridor to nick's office. She stopped in front of the door, took several deep breaths and walked in.

"Doctor Hanna, is this important?" He asked.

"Of Course" She replied

"Important enough to forget all grace and manners. You could try knocking." He said dryly, "This better be quick im busy."

"Look I know you dont want to be around me right now, but you have to let me explain."

"I dont *HAVE* to let you explain anything. Is this a work matter Dr Hanna? because if its not I suggest you leave." He bent forward with his elbows on his desk and began rubbing his temples with his fingers.

"Of course its not a bloody work matter, but Im not leaving till you have heard me out. What am i supposed to do? you wont return my calls, or even answer them for that matter." She slammed the door behind her and walked into the centre of the room. He was still rubbing his temples and he winced as he spoke to her

"Thats because I dont want to speak to you can you not get that through your head?" He raised his voice at her.

"Fine! Don't speak! But the least you can do is listen after all we've been through." He held his face in his hands and said nothing.

"The reason I didn't tell you the truth is because I was worried how hurt you would be and what it would do to you. I want to make you happy, and i knew that when I told you I wasn't pregnant, then you would no longer be happy, *WE* would no longer be happy. I honestly did think i was pregnant at first, but then I did a couple more tests that came out negative and I just couldn't do that to you. You were so happy and i couldn't take that away, please understand?" She finished.

"Have you finished?" He uttered, from underneath his hands, "Thank you Dr Hanna now can you please get out of my office."

"NO! I HAVENT FINISHED!" Zoe shouted. " OK I was scared to tell you. Scared because I knew this would happen. Scared because i don't want to lose you. I love you for gods sake and im scared because i don't know what to do with this emotion." She paused as she was pacing up and down. She began to feel herself cracking, but continued anyway, " Ive never bloody felt it before, i wish i didn't feel like this but I DO! And if this is love then well I wish someone would take it far, far away from me because i cant take it. Im not prepared to let this go nick and YOU HAVE TO TALK TO ME!" She banged her hand on the filing cabinet in frustration. She hadn't been looking at him the entire time she had the conversation and when she turned to face him, she saw he had his head in his hands.

"Nick, talk to me" He tried to look up and winced in pain before shaking his head and then returning it back into his hands. "Nick whats wrong? Seriously you are scaring me now"

"Ahhhhh" He cried as he held his head. He was clearly distressed and in pain.

"NICK!" She shouted in concern. She ran over to his side and bent next to him. She took his arms away from his face and could see he was going light headed. He tried to pull away from her but he didn't have the strength.

"Ok Nick listen to me. Try and tell me whats wrong ok. Please I need to help you." She was panicking and didnt know what was going on.

"Head hurts..." "ssiicck" He managed. She knew it was related to his tumour as it had began to affect his speech, which was usually the second sign there was something wrong, after the initial pain of course.

"Ok Im going to get some help. Dr Trueman and Charlie ok? Don't stress I wont get anyone else. Ill be right back." With this Zoe ran out to get help as Nick slumped back in his chair and blacked out.

When they arrived back at his office, Nick was drifting in and out of consciousness and Adam and Charlie got him into a wheelchair. They didn't want to make a massive fuss, as they knew how private Nick Jordan was. They called neurology and had them prepare for his arrival, but they would need to get him to a cubicle to stabilise him first of all. Zoe was no help whatsoever. She stood back and stared blankly at him. What if I lose him when we are like this? What have I done? she thought. She was suddenly awakened from her trance by Adam yelling

"ZOE! Are you hearing me we need to get him to cubicles quickly."

"Mmm what? yeah sure" She dashed to Nick's side and tried to grab his hand. He pulled away and tried to speak "Nnnooo" he looked really distressed.

"Nick, please try to stay calm we are going to help you." Adam placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Not HER! AWAY!" He tried to shout which seemed to take all his energy out of him. He slumped to the side in the chair and blacked out once more.

"Let us deal with him." Adam said to Zoe

"Like hell i am! Im coming with you!" She yelled in frustration, her voice cracking with hurt.

"Seriously Zoe, let me stabilise him and calm him down first. It will only make it worse." Adam said softly as he began to wheel him out of the office.

"But... hes my..." She cut off as Adam gave her a stare and Charlie nodded. "I love him" She said under her breath as she watched them wheel him down the corridor and out of sight...

_**ooohhh I love to torture these two. It never rains but it pours eh? It will get better for them soon I promise :) We have to go through the bad stuff to get to the good and strengthen a relationship. R and R if you want more and thanks for reading.**_


	7. Chapter 7

**_Well here's the next chapter, i should start being nice to them really shouldnt I )_**

**Chapter 7**

Zoe waited in Nick's office for news from Adam. She had paced up and down the office first with tears, then with anger. How could he not want her near him when he was clearly unwell? He needed her just as much as she needed him, if not more. All he did was push her away all the time. Yes she did lie to him about the baby, but it was for his own good. He had been happier than ever and if it meant that he would never have had this happiness, then Zoe would have lied 3 thousand times over. 3months of pure love, contentment and happiness was worth the lie. She slumped down on his chair and held her head in her hands.

"ZOE!" Adam burst into the office breathless.

"What? Whats going on? Adam is he..."

"He's fine. They think he has had some slight swelling and are giving him steroids to shrink it back down. They have also sedated him as the swelling has caused extra pressure on the brain which is making it painful and affecting his speech." Adam informed Zoe and her eyes filled up again.

"Ok so which ward is he on? Im going up now" She asked. Adam was quiet and looked concerned. "Adam! Im going!" She said sternly.

"Ok, Ok. He said he didnt want to see you. He said not to let you go up. Im sorry Zoe but you stressing him out is going to make things worse." Adam said softly

"ADAM! for gods sake you know what we have been through. He means the world to me I dont care what he says I need to see him." She yelled

"Ok OK just please dont go near him till he is asleep, just for now. Hes on ward 2" She jumped up and nearly knocked him over as she dashed out of the door. He yelled afterwards "BE CAREFUL!"

She arrived on the ward and got her breathe back. She asked the nurse which bay he was in and whether he was asleep. The nurse informed her that yes he was sedated once more and he was making progress. He was however groggy and tired when he woke up. The nurse also asked who she was and Zoe had told her his fiancee but it was complicated and not to tell him that she had been. Zoe walked down the ward to the bay he was in and saw him lying there all helpless. He was fixed up to machines and looked so fragile. She thought she had mentally prepared herself for when nick would deteriorate, hell she did this everyday, but this was her Nick lying there all broken. A single tear trickled down her cheek as she walked towards him. She sat by him and took hold of his hand. He flinched and grunted at her and screwed his face up the way he always did when he was angry. She let go and he became more relaxed. Even subconciously, he was still unforgiving and angry at her. She felt so guilty for what she had done. The shock and stress to him must have caused the swelling. Not only had she broken his heart, but she had now made him ill. All he wanted was a baby, and she couldnt give it him. If a baby was what would make him happy then she knew what she had to do. It was time to stop being selfish and thinking how upset SHE would be. She had to walk away and let him live out his last years with someone who could give him what she couldnt and make him as happy as they had been. She couldnt do this to him anymore and decided enough was enough.

She stood up and turned his hand over so his palm was facing upwards. He fidgited a little so she stopped. Once he had settled again she opened hs fingers so the palm of his hand was clearly visible. Another single tear rolled down her cheek as she slowly and carefully removed the ring from her finger. She inspected it one final time and smiled at the thoughts of all the happy times they had together. She placed the ring in the centre of his palm and closed his fingers around it tightly, making a fist. She walked to the side of the bed, just by his head and leant against it. She tenderly stroked his forehead, and again he was responsive to her touch, this time his movement was not so tense. She bent forward and whispered in his ear " Im so, so sorry for all this. You deserve more and i cant give it to you." She tried to choke back the tears but they began to fall and landed on his cheek. This again caused him to flinch as the salty tear trickled down his cheek into his mouth. She kissed him softly on the lips "I will always love you nick Jordan, ALWAYS!" and with that she left the room, vowing not to see him again.

Nick's fingers moved as he noticed the ring in his palm and he began playing with it. A single tear from his eye rolled slowly down his cheek and met up with the warm, salty tracks of the tear that had fallen from Zoe. He knew exactly what was going on in his subconcious mind, but was it the child he never had that he ached for , or was it Zoe?

_**Sorry Im being evil again arent I? Im only basing it on how i think Nick would act. It will get better. Thanks for reviewing it makes my day.**_


	8. Chapter 8

**_Sorry about the massive delay in updates. Been really busy and its those reviews that keep me going. My stupid spell check thingy isnt working AGAIN so sorry about that. Enjoy..._**

**_CHAPTER 8_**

It had been a couple of weeks since eveything had kicked off between Nick and Zoe. She had, however, kept her promise and stayed away from him as he was recovering. She had of course checked up on him through various ways and means such as calling the ward under a different alias and sending Adam over to find out how he was doing. Once he had been discharged a few days later she felt a little better, although the hurt from the split stuck deep in her gut and she ached to be in his arms once more. She had carried on as normal at the ED, but secretly put in a transfer to St James so that when Nick came back, he wasnt put under any unessecary pressure. It was the least she could do after all the lies and hurt she had caused him. Nick hadnt really said much to Adam about their relationship, but Adam had noted of late that he was missing Zoe and whenever Adam mentioned her he could see how much Nick still cared.

It was the end of yet another double shift and zoe was tired. She had worked through the night previously, managed to get a couple of hours sleep or so and then worked a day shift. She was looking forward to kicking back at home and watchng TV with a bottle of wine. She said her goodbyes to the shift staff and did her handover with such detail and quality. She had thrown herself into work again seen as she had nothing else and was conductuing herself in a very professional manner. She exited the ED and stopped to let out a long, drawn out sigh. She took a cigarette from the packet and walked towards her car whilst fumbling around in her handbag for a lighter. She didnt notice the tall figure leaning against her car wearing a dress shirt and jeans. She stopped as she saw the bottom half of the figure whilst she was looking down into her handbag. She could recognise those shoes anywhere and slowly looked up to where he was standing. He had his legs crossed over each other and his arms folded. Zoe literally froze at the sight of Nick infront of her. He looked stunning and he literally took her breath away.

"Its bad for you you know." He uttered.

"Nick er Hi " was all she could manage.

"I dont know Dr Hanna Ive been away for 5 minutes and already youve picked up your bad habbits again" He said and smiled at her. Her eyes filled up she couldnt believe he was here atlking to her.

"How are you?" She asked with concern.

"Im fine, you know still alive" He joked, "and how are you?" he asked just with as much concern.

"Im ok" He frowned at her knowing there was more "Actually Im pretty crap to be honest" She looked down at her feet and he laughed.

"Do you fancy a drink then?" He asked her. She nearly dropped her cigarette in shock.

"Sure" She replied as he walked around to the passenger side of her car. "You going to open up and let me in then or am I going to have to go to the ED canteen for that drink" She smiled and just stood there shocked that he was actually there. He made his eyes at her and then said "Come on then" which seemed to knock her out of her trance.

"Yeah sorry." She pressed the button on the key fob and the door opened. She looked up at the sky and uttered "thankyou god" under her breath and got into the car. She started the engine up and the music blasted out.

"and you can turn that off for starters" Nick said fiddling with the stereo until he found the classical radio station.

"aahhh much better" He said as he put his head back against the seat and closed his eyes contently.

"yeah if you want me to fall asleep at the wheel!" She said and he laughed. She reversed out of the parking space and drove out of the car park.

"So where are we going?" She asked.

"Wherever you want to go." He replied not opening his eyes. "I thought maybe that sophisticated little wine bar near mine. No chance of running into the ED lot in there. " He looked over at her. He could see she was really nervous so he flashed her one of his winks which made her melt inside. She felt more relaxed but was still aprehensive because she knew that at some point the conversation was going to get very heavy.

They arrived at the bar and Zoe made a polite excuse me and went to the toilet. Nick did the gentlemanly thing and ordered at the bar. He went and sat in a quiet booth that overlooked the water. He was twiddling his thumbs thinking about what he was going to say. He felt physically sick it was not like the super composed Nick Jordan to get like this. He then noticed Zoe returning from the toilet. He took a deep breath and waited for her to sit down.

"so" He said

"So..." She replied.

"Well I took the liberty of ordering a bottle of their finest red. Hope its ok." He said as he poured out the glass.

"Yeah sure thats fine." She said followed by awkward silence. She gulped a large amount of the wine.

"Easy tiger. You are supposed to sip not gulp. Some things never change." He said and smiled.

"Sorry. You know its nerves and that." She replied

"So how've you been? What have you been doing these last few weeks." Nick asked

"Oh ive been fine you know busy with work and stuff. How are you more to the point?" She replied

"Oh you know just been reminded by this blastered thing that its still there!" He said as he pointed to his temple. He saw the look of intense fear and worry on Zoe's face. "Im fine. Dont worry. Ill be back to work next week. Back to where I belong" He smiled and Zoe shook her head and rolled her eyes with a tut. She took another big gulp of her wine.

"I did call the ward everyday to see how you were you know." She said seriously.

"I know. Although some of your fake names were a little bizarre to say the least" He said and smiled. Zoe blushed and put her head on the table with an "Oh God" and a giggle. "How did you know?" came a muffled vioce from the table.

"The nurse said my fiance was calling everyday but bizarrely using different names. It became a running joke with us. See what name you would come up with next. Honestly Zoe, did you really think I wouldnt know?" He laughed again and then sadness over took his eyes as he looked away from her and out of the window.

"What am I going to do with you Dr Hanna?" he said and sighed. With that came the awkward silence once more and Zoe downed the rest of the glass. Nick poured her another one out. She knew that this was the time when she had to address that awful subject she had pushed to the back of her mind. She had rehearsed over and over exactly what she was going to say to him if she ever had the chance and now the words were inbedded into her mind, but her mouth would not speak them. She had messed up so many times, as had he, but she could not just walk away from this feeling. She had never felt it before. Yes she had felt love before in a previous relationship, but never like this. She ached for Nick when he wasnt there and she would fight with him until he took his very last breath. If he wanted her, then she would devote everything she had to making his last years happy ones. This thought over whelmed her and she sat back in the chair with her hand to her mouth, trying to hold back her tears.

"Hey whats wrong?" He asked tenderly, "Theres no need for this." That was it she lost it. The emotions of the last few weeks had built inside her and here he was again being the understanding one. He was always there for her, even when he hadnt forgiven her. He would push his hurt to the back of his mind and bring forward the strength to support her, even though he had hated her for what she had done. She sniffed back her tears and took another huge gulp of wine.

"Im so sorry." She said "Im so sorry for everything."

"Look i didnt come here to upset you Zoe I..." She cut him off

"Please let me finish. I know what i did was wrong and if i even try to explain the reasoning you will think im ridiculous. Please know that I really did think i was pregnant at one stage. I had cravings and sickness and mood swings." She sniffed up and wiped away another tear and took another drink.

"Why didnt you tell me the truth. Why didnt you tell me you couldnt have children?" He asked her with so much hurt in his eyes.

"I dont know why. I mean its not like I never told anyone i told Matt and..." She was stopped by Nick pushing back from the table.

"You told MATT?" He shouted the Matt part at her and his face was scrunched up the way it always did when he was angry. "You told MATT but you couldnt tell me!" he shook his head and then said "what the hell am i doing here" he picked up his glass and downed the rest of the wine as did she. She watched him get up and begin to walk away. She couldnt let him go again not without making him understand.

"Nick! Wait! please let me explain." he didnt stop and she chased him out of the bar and towards the water. She ran and managed to catch him and grabbed his arm.

"Please just LISTEN for once in your stupid arrogant, egotistical life! I couldnt tell you because I was scared." He stopped. "I was scared that you wouldnt want me because hey what use am I to anyone? I cant even have a child for christ sake. The soul purpose that women were put onto this planet. I was terrified you wouldnt want me and Id have to let you go. I cant let go nick." She stopped to get her breath. He turned around to face her for the first time.

"Why did you tell matt?" He asked

"Its simple isnt it. I told matt because I thought he wouldnt want anything to do with me and I really didnt care if he would have never spoken to me again. I guess I thought it was the easy way out. I didnt want to hurt him and I didnt care what he thought so making him not want me was easier. But matt being Matt accepted me for who I am.. or was whatever... I was selfish and Im really truely sorry. I didnt want to be without you Nick! I dont want to be without you." She stopped again to wipe away her tears and hugged her arms around herself.

"I couldnt imagine telling you that. The look of dissappoinment on your face would have killed me. I cant have children Nick, Im useless. Why the hell would you want me?" with that she let go and began to sob. It was breaking her heart just as much as his and he could see that right there and then. He could see that she didnt want to make him unhappy and that she was petrified of being without him. It was in that moment that he realised it was Zoe he wanted, Zoe he ached for. Zoe had been the one by his side throughout his illness, had watched him agonisingly suffering in pain and not once turned her back on him after he had collapsed. She had covered for him in the ED, helped him where possible and more importantly FOUGHT for him. She wanted that time with him so much she risked her career, their relationship and their friendship. He knew she was the one and he knew that the baby was just an added bonus. He walked over to her and his eyes filled up at the sight of this usually strong, fiery woman that had been shattered into pieces infront of him. He took hold of her chin and made her look up. He looked into her eyes, grabbed hold of her hand and beckoned with his head "Come on lets go. " he whispered. With that they began walking down the street towards his flat. He let go of her hand and cradled her into his body with a supportive arm around her and she clung onto him like her life depended on it...

_**Hope that was worth the wait guys. Had some inspiration today and a bit of time on my hands. Hope you like.**_


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